Andhra Maverick

In a small mid-western conservative town, a new bar started a building to open up their business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed, however, right up till the week before opening, when a lightning strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground. The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was, through its prayers and congregations, ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the buildings demise in its reply to the court. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented: "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an

*Recall the Rin washing powder ad??* Sharad Pawar is in dressing room when Deepika Padukone comes there Sharad: Ohho, Deepika Ji, aiye aiye Lejiye aapka dhoni taiyaar hai Deepika: Ye nahin wo( pointin towards yuvi) Sharad: Lekin aap to har baar wo wickt keeper wala.... Deepika: Leti thi... Par jab 6 ball pey 6 chakkey milein to koi ye kyun ley, wo na ley Sharad : Maan gaye... Deepika: Kisey? Sharad: Aapki parkhi nazar aur super sixer, Dono Ko.......

1) Qus. : What are you doing? Ans.: Business. Tax: PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX! 2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business? Ans.: Selling the Goods. Tax: PAY SALES TAX!! 3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods? Ans.: From other State/Abroad Tax: PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI! 4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods? Ans.: Profit. Tax: PAY INCOME TAX! 5) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods? Ans.: Factory. Tax: PAY EXCISE DUTY! 6) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory? Ans.: Yes Tax: PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX! 7) Qus. : Do you have Staff? Ans.: Yes Tax: PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX! 8) Qus. : Doing business in Millions? Ans.: Yes Tax: PAY TURNOVER TAX! 9) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank? Ans.: Yes, for Salary. Tax: PAY CASH HANDLING TAX! 10) Qus. : Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner? Ans.: Hotel Tax: PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX! 11) Qus. : Are you going Out of Station for Business? Ans.: Yes Tax: PAY FRINGE

New ICC rules w.e.f. 07 Jan 2008 : (1) Ricky Ponting - (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE CRICKET ERA AND WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED) should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of the FOURTH UMPIRE. (2) While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, If the ball flies anywhere close to the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER(WITHIN 5 metre distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grassed. Any decision for further clarification should be seeked from the FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the teams. (3) While BATTING, AUSTRALIAN players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE decisions only (even if the catch goes to the

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world. Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it! Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both. Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity. Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren'

Man discovered glass and invented the bottle. The woman took the glass and invented the mirror.     Man discovered a deck of cards and invented games.   Woman discovered the cards and invented witchcraft. Man discovered the word and converted it into conversation.   Woman got the conversation and converted it into gossip. Man discovered money and invented commerce.   The woman discovered commerce and invented credit. Man discovered transactions and invented credit cards.   The woman discovered the credit cards and here   man got screwed. Man discovered work and invented salary.   The woman discovered the salary and here she really screwed up man again. Man discovered woman and invented sex.   The woman discovered sex and invented marriage.   Now she really had her claws in addition to screwing him up for good. After this man has just pretended to be dumb and has not invented anything at all!

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses. All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her,"While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credi