Andhra Maverick

          A   wise saying ............... " If your father is a poor man, its not your fault But If your father-in-Law is a poor man, it's definitely your fault"   Here is a faultless couple (Javed Miandad's son and his wife (Dawood Ibrahim's Daughter).........   All that Glitters is Definitely Gold    

EIGHT LIES OF A MOTHER This story begins when I was a child: I was born poor. Often we hadn't enough to eat. Whenever we had some food, Mother often gave me her portion of rice. While she was transferring her rice into my bowl, she would say 'Eat this rice, son! I'm not hungry.' This was Mother's First Lie. As I grew, Mother gave up her spare time to fish in a river near our house; she hoped that from the fish she caught, she could give me a little bit more nutritious food for my growth. Once she had caught just two fish, she would make fish soup. While I was eating the soup, mother would sit beside me and eat what was still left on the bone of the fish I had eaten; My heart was touched when I saw it. Once I gave the other fish to her on my chopstick but she immediately refused it and said, 'Eat this fish, son! I don't really like fish.' This was Mother's Second Lie. Then, in order to fund my education, Mother went to a Match Factory

SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. HAPPINESS To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.   LONGEVITY Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. PROPENSITY TO CHANGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. HOW TO STO

  To Dear All,   A good story for all of us to follow in our careers......   Once upon a time a Washerman was bringing up two donkeys. Let us say Donkey-A and Donkey-B. Donkey-A felt it was very energetic and could do better than the other. It always tried to pull the washerman's attraction over it by taking more load and walking fast in front of him. Innocent Donkey-B is normal, so it will walk normal, irrespective of the washerman's presence. After a period of time, Washerman started pressurising Donkey-B to be like Donkey-A. But Donkey-B unable to walk fast, got continuous punishment from washerman. It was crying and told personally to Donkey-A "Dear friend, only we two are here, why to compete with each other....we can carry equal load at normal speed ". That made Donkey-A all the more energetic and next day it told to washerman that it can carry more load and even it can run fast also. Obviously happier washerman looked at Donkey-B..,

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. Mom, I want a bike for my birthday. Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to krishna and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday. Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write krishna a letter. ************** Letter 1 Dear krishna, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Bobby ************** Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, So

 

You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.   If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes:       mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat   Then enter:       ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.   If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.   If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the dinner found on the package label, the weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your specification.  

Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year, "said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."   ----------   A man walked into a Topeka , Kansas Kwik Shop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.   ----------   Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"   ----------   A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife i

A Nun was taking a shower one day and she heard the door bell ring, she yelled "Who is it?"   And the person ringing the door bell yelled, "I'm the blind man."   So the Nun got out of the shower and wrapped her hair in a towel, she didn't bother putting a towel around herself because the person behind the door was blind.   She opened the door and said, "What do you want?", and the man said, "I'm here to check your blinds."

A store that sells husbands has just opened in Ottawa where a woman  may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is  comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as  the shopper ascends the flights.    There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go  back down except to exit the building.    So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.    On the first floor the sign on the door reads:  Floor 1 - These men have jobs.    The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better  than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she  goes.    The second floor sign reads:  Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.    The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.    The third floor sign r

General Musharaf, Vajpayee, Madhuri Dixit and Margaret Thatcher are sitting in a   train.   The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a   kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The women and   Vajpayee are sitting there looking perplexed. Musharaf is bent over holding his face,   which is red from an apparent slap.   All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything. Thatcher is thinking: "These   Pakistanis are all crazy after Madhuri.... Musharaf must have tried to kiss her in the   tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him."   Madhuri is thinking: "Musharaf must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret   instead and got slapped."   Musharaf is thinking: "Damn it, Vajpayee must have tried to kiss Madhuri, she thought   it was me and slapped me."   Vajpayee is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could m

 After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach , where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis . They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together. Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix up at the boarding gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the problem and it would do no good to complain.    Upon arrival at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as Seattle 's was cold. The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive as planned. He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off, and quickly sent his wife an! e-mail, but due to his haste, he made an error in the e-mail address.   His mes

On a propaganda tour through the United States President George Bush Visits a school and explains his political actions.   Afterwards he invites the children to ask him questions.   Little Bob rises to speak:   Mr. President, I have got three questions to ask:   1. How did you win the election although you had less votes than Gore?   2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without reason?   3. Don't you think that the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima was the biggest terrorist attack of all times?   Just in that moment the bell for the break rings and the children run out of the classroom.   When they come back from the break President Bush encourages them again to ask questions.   This time Joey rises to speak:   Mr. President, I have got five questions to ask:   1. How did you win the election although you had less votes than Gore?   2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without reason?   3. Don't you think that the nuclear bomb

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph, he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.   "There ain't no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself, and opened her up further.   The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him.   "What on earth am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his licence without a word and examined it and the car.   "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I dont feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that Ihavent heard before you can go!"   "Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

VANILLA ICE CREAM LOGIC ***********************     Never underestimate your Clients' Complaint, no matter how funny it might be!     This is a real story that happened between the customer of General Motors   and its Customer-Care Executive.     A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:     This is the second time I have written to you, and I don't blame you for   not  answering me,  because I sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we   have a tradition in our family of Ice-Cream for dessert after dinner each   night. but the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've   eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have   and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact that I recently   purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created   a problem.     You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice-cream, when I start back fr

At New York 's Kennedy International Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested   Trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.   Attorney general John Ashcroft believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying Weapons of math instruction.   "Al-gebra is a very fearsome cult, indeed," Ashcroft said."They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go  off on a tangent in a search of absolute value. They consist of quite shadowy figures, with names like "X" and "Y", and, although they  Are frequently referred to as "unknowns", we know they really belong  to a common denominator and are part of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the great Greek philanderer  Isosceles used to say, "there are 3 s

Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?" Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems." X asked, "Can you explain?" Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues.  We do not interfere in each other's decisions." Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples" Y said," Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife.  I just agree to it" X asked, "Then what is your role?" Y said," My decisions are only for very big issues.  Like whether America should attack Iran , whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe , whether to widen African economy, whethe

Author: Stephen Covey Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations). What is this principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%. How? ……….By your reaction. You cannot control a red light. but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react. Let's use an example. You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You ha