Andhra Maverick

  This is very interesting. ......... (to women) please take time to ponder...... ..(to men) enjoy the story....... . Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, If after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, And to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, He accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: The princess, the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a sat

The other day I was playing golf and saw an unusual thing.     A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new set of golf clubs into the lake.     A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake, and retrieved his clubs.   He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag -- then threw  the clubs back into the water.

Three students, a student from Tennessee , a student from Alabama , and a student from Auburn are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.   "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.   The Tennessee student says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Tennessee ."   With a blink of the Genie's eye, "FOOM," the land in Tennessee was forever made fertile for farming.   The Auburn student was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around the University of Auburn , so that nobody from out of state can come into our precious school."   Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye,"POOF," there was a huge wall around Auburn .   The Alabama student says, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."   The Genie explains, "Well, it is

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.  "Boss,"        he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home  tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and  the garage, moving and hauling stuff."   "We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies.  "I can't give  you the day off."   "Thanks, boss," says Smith "I knew I could count on you!"

His wife had just bought a new line of expensive cosmetics absolutely guaranteed to make her looks years longer.   She sat in front of the mirror for what had to be hours applying the "miracle" products.  Finally, when she was done, she turned to her husband and said, "Hon, honestly now, what age would you say I am?"   He nodded his head in assessment, and carefully said, "Well, hon, judging from your skin, twenty.  Your hair, mmmm, eighteen.  Your figure, twenty-five."   "Oh, you're so sweet!"   "Well, hang on, I'm not done adding it up yet."

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first.   "Al, what do you believe in?"   Al replies,  "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."   God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that.  Come and sit at my left,"   God then addresses Bill Clinton.  "Bill, what do you believe in?"   Bill Clinton replies,  "Well, I believe in power to the people.  I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do.  I  also believe in feeling people's pain."   God thinks for a second and says,  "Okay, that sounds good.  Come and sit at my right.&q

  A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.  While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God  she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 40 years, 2 months and  8 days to live."   Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the  hospital and have a  facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even  had  someone come in and  change her hair color. Since she had so much more  time  to live, She figured  she might as well make the most of it. After her  last  operation, she was  released from the hospital.    While crossing the street on her way home, she was  killed by an ambulance.  Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought  you  said I had another  40 years.  " Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of  the  ambulance?"          God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.   "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food." the poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then." "But sir, I have a wife with two children!" "Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said to the other man. "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered. "Bring them as well!"   They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."   The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall!"

He was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up >>behind him and whacked him on the head with a rolled up magazine. >>   >>"Ouch!!" What was that for?" he asked. "That was for the piece of >>paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it," >>she replied. >>   >>"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of >>one of the horses I bet on," he explained. "Oh honey, I'm so >>sorry," she said. "I should have known there >>was a good explanation." >>   >>Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked >>up and hit him in the head again, this time with an iron skillet, >>which knocked him out cold. >>   >>When he came to, he asked, "Now what was that for?" >>   >>She replied, "Your horse called "

  One of the city's top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of red roses. When the pastor finished the sermon, and everyone said their good-byes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again. It was a majestic tribute to the much-loved cardiologist. Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter. Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, "Why are you laughing, Mister?" "I was just thinking about my own funeral," the man replied - "I'm a gynaecologist .........

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened; some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the entire back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction..  a Woman is a bundle of contradictions  She's afraid of a wasp, Will scream at a mouse,  But will tackle her husband alone in the house.    She'll take him for better, She'll take him for worse    She'll break open his head and then be his nurse.  But when he's well and can get out of bed.  She'll pick up the tea-pot and throw it at his head.    Beautiful and keen sighted yet blind,  Crafty and cruel, yet simple and kind.  She'll call him a king and then make him a clown.  Raise him on a pedestal, then throw him flat down.    She inspires him to deeds that ennoble man,  Or make him her lackey to carry her fan.  She'll run away from him and never come back  But if he runs away she'll be on his tracks    Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose  She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose  She'll win you in range, enchant you in silk  She is stronger than

 "I am passing this on to you because it has  definitely worked for me. By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace...          It read: "The way to achieve inner peace is to  finish  all the things you have started."          So I looked around to see all the things I had  started and hadn't finished............                This week I have finished half a Smirnoff, a dozen  cans of Fosters, a carton of Benson & Hedges and a litre of Teachers.     You have no idea how good I feel!   You may pass this on to those you feel are in need  of  Inner Peace.

RING . . . RING . . . CLICK   "Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline."   If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.   If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.   If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.   If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.  Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.   If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a little voice will tell you which number to press.   If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press.  No one will answer.   Thanks for calling."

Jasmeet Kaur watched her husband Santa Singh searching high and low, all over the living room. She asked him: "What are you so frantically searching?"  Santa: "Hidden cameras!"  Jasmeet: "And what makes you think there are hidden cameras here?"  Santa: "Or else, every few minutes, how is that guy on television saying ...'You are watching the Star World channel'? "How can he know what I am watching?"

HEAVEN IS WHEN YOU HAVE : >>AN AMERICAN SALARY >>A BRITISH HOME >>CHINESE FOOD >>AN INDIAN WIFE         >>HELL IS WHEN YOU HAVE : >>AN AMERICAN WIFE >>BRITISH FOOD >>CHINESE HOME >>AN INDIAN SALARY

O Lord, hear my anxious plea Calculus is killing me I know not of 'dx' or 'dy' And probably won't until the day I die. Please, Lord, help me in this hour As I take my case to the highest power. I care not for fame or loot Just help me find one square root. And Lord, please let me see One passing mark in organic chemistry. Oh such a thing I constantly dread I'd just as soon join the Marines instead. Lord, please give me a sign That you've been listening all the time. Please lead me out of this constant coma And give me a shot at my diploma.

Taxi driver in Heaven A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.   'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.   The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool.   'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver.   Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.   'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'   'Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'

  My wife is so ugly... a cannibal took one look at her and ordered salad.   I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.   Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.   If Superman is so smart, why is his underwear on the outside ?   "When women go wrong, men go right after them."   If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help.   I ordered a self help tape called "How to handle disappointment" when the package came, the box was empty   I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.   Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?   My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.   I want patience... AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!   Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?     Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle

"Competitive Salary" - We remain competitive by paying less than our   competitors.     "Join Our Fast Paced Company" - We have no time to train you.     "Casual Work Atmosphere" - We don't pay enough to expect that you will   dress up.    "Fun Environment" - All the managers are on holiday, having fun at your expense.     "Must be Deadline Oriented" - You will be six months behind schedule on   your first day.     "Some Overtime Required" - Some time each night, some time each weekend.     "Duties will Vary" - Anyone in the office can boss you around.     "Must have an Eye for Detail" - We have no quality control.     "Multi Tasking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience" - You will need   to replace three people who just left.     "Problem Solving Skills a Must" - You are walking into a company in   perpetual chaos.  Haven't

There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their evil ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church, and appeared to be perfect Christians.   Then, their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could the new pastor see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church membership grew in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly.   All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.   "I have only one condition," he said. "At the funeral, you must say my brother was a saint." The pastor gave his word, and deposited the check.   The next day, at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family.&q

This a genuine psychological test. It is not a joke and there are no tricks. While at the funeral of her own mother, a girl met a guy whom she did not know. Even with the brief meeting she thought the guy was amazing. She believed him to be her dream boy. She fell in love with him there and then itself. A few days later the girl killed her own sister.   Question: What is her motive in killing her own sister?       DON\'T Scroll down until you have thought what your own answer is to this question!!!!! . .                                                                                 Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the next funeral. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was designed by a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in this

What is the Iraqi air force motto? I came, I saw, Iran .   Have you heard about the new Iraqi air force exercise program? Each morning you raise your hands above your head and leave them there.   What's the five-day forecast for Baghdad ? Two days.   What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common? They both have Kurds in their way.   What is the best Iraqi job? Foreign ambassador.   Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots? You only have to teach them to take off.   How do you play Iraqi bingo? B-52 ... F-16 ... B-1   What is Iraq 's national bird? Duck.   What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common? They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from!   Why does the Iraqi navy have glass bottom boats? So they can see their air force.