Oneliners

By BR -

 

My wife is so ugly...

a cannibal took one look at her and ordered salad.

 

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

 

Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.

 

If Superman is so smart, why is his underwear on the outside ?

 

"When women go wrong, men go right after them."

 

If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help.

 

I ordered a self help tape called "How to handle disappointment"

when the package came, the box was empty

 

I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers.

 

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

 

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.

 

I want patience... AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!

 

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

 

 

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

 

 

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

 

"Buffet". A French word that means "Get up & get it yourself !"

 

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear, but forgetting where you heard it."

 

I AM in shape... Round is a shape.

 

There is no right way to do a wrong thing."

 

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

 

You can't control the length of you life... but you can control the width and depth.

 

"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards."

 

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

 

 

A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second!

 

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable"!

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